Mama is one of the reasons why my ideal writing day begins or ends at 3 a.m. She is usually in bed by 9 a.m. Some would say that I should simply not answer the phone. My response is that she’s my mother. I am her only child. She is plagued with severe diabetes, failing kidneys and wears oxygen 24 hours a day now. She lives alone and if I don’t answer the phone when she calls I become anxious and obviously she does too. My mother is a feisty woman even in her frail state of health. I recently took her to get a walker, the kind that everyone in her senior citizen high rise apartment has. As I dropped her off at the senior citizen center, she was carrying it into the doorway (not using it for support) to show it off to her friends as in “I got one too.”
Even with two published books, my mother thinks I am a typist, who sometimes types at home. She is often afraid for my job because being an academic, I am not on campus every day. “You are not going to work today?” is how she often begins her phone calls and sounds a bit panicked.
When my children were little, I had them trained. They would often lean into my bedroom, see me at the computer, and decide to come back later when I wasn’t working. But my mother has never gotten into the swing of me being a writer and I don’t think she ever will. If I am not in an office or a factory or some profession with a time card, to her I am simply not working, not writing, just typing on the computer.
Some days I become frustrated but mostly I try to write against the clock toward 7 a.m. and give up the words after 7 a.m. to talk to Mama and check-in. Most days there is nothing urgent about the phone call. She usually gives me her blood sugar levels. “My sugar was 130 this morning. I’m going to the senior citizen center,” she’ll say. “Bye. Mommy loves you.”
"I love you too," is how I answer in return.
this is a beautiful post! i love that you honour your mother by not getting *annoyed* or perturbed at her inability or "refusal" to "acknowledge" what you do for a living.
ReplyDeletei think that most people don't understand what it means to write, why we write and how we keep our very sanity by giving "life" to our emotions and/or the things that happen in our world.
when i worked in pr/marketing/communications for high-end design firms, my mother was never able to tell people what it was i did when asked. at the time, i was always frustrated with her and told her so. i thought it meant that she didn't *care* about me enough to learn about what i did, or what i was passionate about even after my repeated attempts to "explain."
i've since decided that it doesn't *matter* --that as long as i know what i am doing, and the importance of what i do for me, then that's what counts.
interestingly, when my 2 daughters [age 2 & 5] see me on the computer and they groan and say, "momma is typing, again."
i've since told them that what momma does is called "writing" and that this is "momma's work." i still get the *groans* but in some small way, i know that they get it.
Thank you for this, Crystal.
ReplyDelete@xobolaji Thank you for your thoughtful response. I do think it's hard for people to understand what it is we do. I guess we just do what we do and go from there. And for the record I do get frustrated with my mother all the time but most days I try to be calm about it.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was like that about my photojournalism job. He'd often ask when I was going to get a JOB. I worked for some major market daily newspaper or another for 25 years.
ReplyDeleteHe died three years ago and I would give anything to hear him say, "Girl, when are you going to get a JOB? Photograph is okay for playin' around but at your age you need to be workin'."
Ive been a published writer for years. When someone asked how I was doing, my family used to say, I was a "secretary" down at the newspaper. My aunt once told me, I should go to school to be a nurse, because she felt like I could really amount to something someday...lol
ReplyDeleteCrystal. I live through the same thing every day, too. I am also an only child. I applaude you for blogging about it. Great post--I am inspired to share some stories about my mom and what I go through with her. She turned 91 on September 27th. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteWhat we do for our parents.
ReplyDeleteDre'
A wonderful post, Crystal. Makes me miss my mother. I know your mom is proud of you, and I can tell you love her to pieces. I'm sure she's one of the reasons you've succeeded. Give her a hug for me.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. LOL! I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only that has people thinking I don't have a job because I'm on the pc working all the time. LOL!
ReplyDeletethat's the curse of being creative - our families are always interested in our abilities while at the same time asking when we're going to get "a real job" - they only understand the very basics: you 'type' to write novels, so you're 'a typist' or you use a digital drawing board to create graphic art so you're 'on that computer all day'...
ReplyDeletepay stubs they understand.
What a wonderful post, Crystal. I've pretty much gotten to the point that I don't even talk about my writing to my family and my nonwriting friends unless something gets published. Then I seem to get the appreciation I'm seeking. It amazes me that I am still seeking their validation that I am a writer at the age of 42. I often wonder when will I put on the big girl britches and start seeking validation from my darn self. Peace and love to you, Angela Jackson-Brown
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